| Come in here young man RIGHT NOW! |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|09:19 am] |
I would go outside and do the storm scene from King Lear but my girlfriend would kick my ass. |
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| I still don't get it. |
[May. 31st, 2007|07:16 pm] |
I was having dinner with mom this evening. She's recovering from her other cataract surgery just fine.
There was an elderly couple sitting behind me and the husband was telling a bad joke.
"Never buy lemonade from a urologist."
It was a cute joke but what was really funny was the husband had to explain to his wife the joke and she kept asking questions and losing track of the conversation.
He: Never buy lemonade from a urologist.
She: What?
H: NEVER BUY LEMONADE FROM A UROLOGIST.
S: Why not?
H: You know what urologist do right?
S: Urologist?
H: Yes.
S: Dr. G_____ is your urologist honey. Is he selling lemonade?
H: No I was telling a joke.
S: I don't get it. |
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| Just feeling a little goofy |
[Apr. 26th, 2007|08:40 am] |
...and another thing about buying oats in bulk, You can make your own container. It doesn't have to have a Quaker on it. You can put on a Shaker, Amish or even a Mennonite. |
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| Joke of the day |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
A guy walks by a hardware shop and he saw a big sign that say cast iron sinks!
( So the guys says... ) |
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| A joke I heard this morning. |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|04:18 pm] |
So four beer company employees walk into a bar. One for Budweiser, one from the Miller company, one from Coors and an irish gentleman from the Guinness company. The bar tender asked what they would like. The Budweiser employee ordered a bud, The Miller guy ordered a miller, the man from the Coors company ordered a Coors and the man from the Guinness company ordered a Coke. The other beers guys asked him why he ordered a coke
( and the Guinness guy said... ) |
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| Can I post quotes from the commentary tracks? |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|08:39 am] |
I called my local kebab shop and asked...
"Do you deliver?"
and they said...
"No we do beef, chicken, and lamb."
edit:This is suppose to be for the Red Dwarf community but I'm leaving it here anyway. |
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| Vinici. It's a good name for a revenger. |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|01:18 pm] |
Well as I mentioned before I was watching a friends cats for him. He had said that I could poke around his dvd collection. I immediately pointed out his re-release of TRON with extras. Later when I went back to feed the beast and watch tv I pulled out the Tron box and another unboxed dvd fell out with it. It turned out to be gay porn he put on the shelf to "shake up the straights". I felt compelled to replace it with Koyaanisqatsi the dryist artsiest movie I could find. I stashed the porn somewhere else on his DVD shelf. Someplace I'm sure he will find eventually.
Did I mention that I'm evil? |
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| Sorry my father time costume is at the cleaners. |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|10:14 am] |
Do I have to take the Holly off my top hat, put on a depends and walk around pretending to be Baby New Year cuz I'm not seeing it. |
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| It's an old joke but it's so darned cute. |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|11:39 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
The stork family was having dinner and talking about their day. Papa Stork said "I made someone very happy today."
Mama stork said "I made someone very happy today too. What did you do today Babystork?"
( Baby stork said.... ) |
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| Hey I like Puke and Snot. |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|10:59 am] |
Do you like my tights. These are my Lipton flo-thrus. You laugh, I can sit in jacuzzi and brew tea at the same time. |
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Something ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sassy_54 wanted to post. |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|09:58 am] |
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| Happy Halloween |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|10:10 am] |
Boo. |
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| One of those goofy pictures people send me. |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|10:53 am] |
There was a story with it but it didn't sound real.
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| Barrump bum |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|08:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
God calls up the Pope and says I've got some good news and some bad news.
The Pope asks what's the good news?
I've decided there will only be one church and one religion.
The Pope says great what's the bad news?
I'm calling from Salt Lake City. |
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| Domestic Pun |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|12:55 pm] |
There is no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. |
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| Who's Evil Baby! |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | ?, joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  BIG EVIL! | ] |
Oh Yeah I got your Evil baby Right Here.
Someone will learn why soon enough!
(Really high giggly imp laugh) |
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| It's probably too early in the morning for this one. |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|08:55 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods? |
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| Sorry I didn't have enough bread for a decent joke man. |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|08:06 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
My Uncle got busted for peeing in a wheat field.
He got charged for going against the grain. |
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| Because some puns are worth repeating over and over and over.... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|11:57 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
So Sven and Ole were hired to put a new coat of paint up dere on the church ya know. Sven says to Ole...
"Yah know if we add some water to the paint we wouldn't have to buy so much and we could paint duh church and have a few beers afterwards donja know."
Ole agrees, so he and Sven paint with watered down paint there and just as they are ready to pack up and head for Gustafson's bar a thundercloud appears over head. Der's this big clap of thunder and it starts raining like no body's business. All the paint washed right off the church and they were standing dere right back were day started. The cloud cleared up and the loud booming of duh Lord said
"REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!" |
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| Because the pun community like it so much. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|08:14 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | joke | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
I guess my brother is a transvestite. He like to eat, drink, and be Mary. |
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Goofy